Surrender into the Belovéd

The invitation comes: lean into the Belovéd. 

Trust, surrender to the embrace of none other
than God. You must let yourself dissolve,

so risk it; just lean into the Belovéd.
Easy said. I resist. Don’t smother
me, I cannot give in, however much I crave 

release. How long before my fear dissolves? 
Leaning instead into the scent of mother
as she passes. She disappears, elusive.

Risk it. Just lean into the Belovéd.
Then, when the soft wings of Infinity covered
my naked vulnerability with love,

surrender undid me and I dissolved.                
A bird sang; it’s me singing. There’s no “other”;
the Belovéd resolves into the loved,

moment to moment, there is none other,
no sister, wife, daughter, mother.
Guard dropped, leaning into the Belovéd, 
surrender undid me and I dissolved.

© Tina Shettigara 2022

Heart's Yearning

 

The One for whom I yearn passed by just now.

I know by her lingering perfume.
All I can do is sniff and follow.

Ah Maa,
heart leaning into the beloved’s promise,
eyes blinded by love’s longing,
going in eternal circles,
spiralling inwards on my Self.

© 2021

The black dog

The black dog

When the black dog licks your heart,

Do you believe that it’s a wolf and try to run away?

Don’t you know that’s when it bites?

Don’t you know that’s when it brings you down?

Do you believe in every thought you ever had?

You could keep on chasing thoughts until your days are done.

But when the black dog licks your heart

What if you welcomed it instead?

What if you welcomed it instead?

I thought I knew I couldn’t cope.

I thought the weight would crush my chest.

I thought I had to slam that gate,

I thought to place that dog in chains.

Now when that feeling licks my heart,

It's raw, it's tender, a kiss of love,

I sense the wound that it’s nursing there,

I sense the scar dissolving now.

I sense the scar dissolving now.

© Tina Shettigara

10 July 2020

Don Quixote dreams of rainbows

Don Quixote dreams of rainbows

We loved each other’s company as teens

and it still holds true

so many years later.

There is nothing quite like the intimate captivity

of a long country drive

to test relationships,

ours so recently re-kindled.

Today the light was enchanting.

It rained and rained this morning,

Wet still, and cold, at noon, heading out,

clouds haunt the windmills,

green bursting from paddocks.

Who are you?

conversation exploring the contours of our mutual question.

Histories.

Motivations.

Creativity.

Families.

Light and shade, rain and mist, dance on the hills.

Oh, the fun we had, the shopping, lunch, the laughter.

And the drive back, through the hills, the rain gone,

the windfarms stand clear.

Suddenly on the road, not road-kill, but a teddy.

Poor sodden teddy, so pre-loved, lost and abandoned on the road.

We call him Don Quixote, because of the windmills.

A magic rainbow stands bright-clear in front of hills,

the gold of friendship.

Inside and out we are laughing, squealing with delight,

two old ladies, like teens again.

We stray to the sensitive places where we don’t agree.

Religion.

Your mystical experience. And mine. They do not match.

Is this fear? This flutter in the gut? Trepidation? Excitement?

Hope? for a resolution in this tension.

We let it hang. Again.

Don Quixote is left to dry on your veranda.

We part, planning our next reunion.

Love is here between us, the love of friends

Forged long ago, and yet as real today,

warm, and fuzzy and safe.

© Tina Shettigara
3 July 2020

Don Quixote after a bath and a brush

Wind turbines in fog

Visiting Feelings

Visiting Feelings

Cold spreading like ice across the shoulders
skin alert with goosebumps,
fingers and toes trending to numbness.
Fingers around the mug, liquid warm inside.

Spring’s first sunshine touches skin,
warmth interpenetrating, soaking body,
soft breeze caresses sleeveless skin, jaw melts.
In shade cool chill winter lingers still.

Summer heat sears eyeballs,
desiccated mouth saliva stripped,
candle wax flesh, energy, melts, droops.
Iced drink, gullet cold, seeping.

When joints ache, or pain scorches
muscle, organ, bone; when dentist drills
or some wounded place inflames;
feeling the place that does not hurt.

Tiredness visiting, heavy fatigue in body or brain.
Or alertness zinging the whole body alive.
Feelings are visiting; and visiting opposite feelings.
No resisting, surrender, just be.

© Tina Shettigara September 2019
with a nod to Lauren Rubenstein, inspirer.

Inspiration for this poem came from the wonderful children's book, Visiting Feelings. I recommend it for children and adults. Check it out: https://www.amazon.com.au/s?k=Visiting+feelings&i=stripbooks&ref=nb_sb_noss

Insight

Insight

To know who I am I sit and wait.
Nothing to do but sense the silent buzz
of the living body as dynamic delight,
a vibrant effervescence and pizzazz
inside and out. I sparkle, zing and fizz
and all that’s here is potency and might.
Thoughts abate yet consciousness remains,
that spirit seer in whom it all unfolds;
this shimmering, she created, she sustains.
Becoming the seen, in body form she moulds
her energy as clay, and just as easily dissolves
it all back to herself again.
All in a flash I am that consciousness
Moment to moment unfolding the universe.

How to meditate

How to meditate

Drop your mind off at child-care.

It cannot go where you are bound.

Kindly say you will be back, then go.

And when it calls and cries, don’t turn.

Instead, sense your way into the pure nowness

of sensation. Every corner is alive.

Stay there. Stay. She who is all there is

Will reveal Herself, as you.

Stay.

As long as it takes. Stay.

Silence

Fully empty.

Stay.

Sense now the streaming thrum

Of everything. Thy will be done.

© Tina Shettigara 2019